i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize