your parents love me but you hate me
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
