Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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