he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
