my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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