She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
