no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
