God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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