dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
