I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
