I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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