that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
