By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
