He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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