I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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