You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Floor bacon is actually really good
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
