He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize