Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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