I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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