thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
