The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
