the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
