Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
