My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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