Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
