R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize