do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
