When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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