I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I love how my cats smell like pot.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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