4 words: hood of his car
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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