i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
