Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize