i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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