I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
