We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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