This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
