He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
my poor anus
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
