3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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