No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
