i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
