Moan for me like Helen Keller
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Randomize
