you guys were way drunker than both of me
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
