Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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