The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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