You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
