Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
