Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
