I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think my moral compass just broke
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
