so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
