i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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