true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
