I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
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