I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
