i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
