Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Randomize