I'm lost and stupid without you.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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