well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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