also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
