We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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