I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
