So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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