I want to stick my p in your. b.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
