I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
