Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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