I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
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