Ambien. No doubt about it.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
