My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
operation harelip BJ is a go
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
