this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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