Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
