My sheets look like a crime scene.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize