I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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