I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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