I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
