I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
