its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
