I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
