It's Friday. Sex?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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