So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
