I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
love makes seman taste better
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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