"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
