the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
