dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
