Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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