dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize