you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
