Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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