Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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