Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
