I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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