After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
