Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
