Where is the hickey?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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