So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize