i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
