I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
