Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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