Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
No...this little piggys going to the bar
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
