No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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