Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
