he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
