He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
