I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
