i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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