So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
