He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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