Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize