Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Alive.
So much puke
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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