i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
