New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
