you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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