just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
