Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
