suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
