Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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