I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
